A poem followed by some thoughts, read on:

Once beautiful,
I look in the mirror
and don't recognize the person I see
staring back at me.

Sweet, painful reflection...

Reflected in the glass -
The epitome of laziness;
A monster created by me,
An image representing something I hate.
But I refuse to change.

What kind of evil contradiction is this?
So many women trying to live up
to our standards of beauty,
Yet so many fail, miserably.

Will I ever find my inner light,
my inner Goddess, again?
"My body is my temple." -
Then divinity means nothing,
My Goddess means nothing,
I mean _nothing_.

So tired, always so tired...
I sleep my health away,
And watch my image
turn yellow with age
and dry as parchment,
covered in dust like a forgotten book.

This miserable demon, this laziness,
that has infected me:
Be gone!
Give me back my strength,
Give me back my will,
Give me back my soul.
Allow me to find the magick again.

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Here is a topic I don't like talking about, for several reasons. First off, I don't like facing it and seeing it for what it is. I am doing this to _myself_. Secondly, I don't like dealing with people whenever this is brought up. I get tired of the whole "you're not fat" bullshit that I hear from friends. I want to be able to talk about it without people thinking I'm fishing for a compliment. I also don't want people to think that I'm being weak and whiny by talking about it yet not doing a whole lot about it (even if perhaps that's what I am). I just want to vent, without fear, ridicule, or judgment. Do I miss who I was? Totally. A day doesn't go by where I don't think about what I've become, and how I'm not the person I use to be. And it's not just the weight, but also what the weight represents: laziness, gluttony, but most of all _weakness_. I would never have allowed this in the past. I use to love taking care of myself and treating myself with respect.

I feel that this has been the unspoken shadow for quite some time. Perhaps by naming this demon and revealing it's face, I will conquer it. I will pass the flame of will and strength into this being of darkness, and bring it to light. It is I who must do this. All I know is that I must try...

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Keep an eye for an image or two that I will be posting on this topic. I've got ideas floating around in my head.